The Bench Was Better

Four goose eggs, a kicker who scored one point, and 203.6 points left rotting on benches. Welcome back, Scripsy Tipsy.

Week 1 is when everyone sets a lineup with total confidence and then watches the bench outscore it. The league left 203.6 points on the pine, four starters put up a flat zero, and three teams would have won with a better lineup. Meanwhile underscore11 dropped 187.3 and made the rest of the league look like it drafted blindfolded.

Speaking of drafting blindfolded: this league took a quarterback in the first round, a defense in the third, and a kicker in the sixth. More on that below. First, the carnage.

The Matchups

underscore11 drafted running backs with its first five picks, and the plan worked on day one. Derrick Henry (35.3) and Jahmyr Gibbs (33.6) combined for almost 70 points, Isaiah Likely scored 27.8 from the tight end spot as a 13th-round pick, and Zay Flowers added 26. The only blemish: Jeremiyah Love (13) started while Breece Hall scored 19.8 on the bench. When your worst problem is too many good running backs, you're fine.

Arianajonas scored the second-most points in the league and still lost by 27.88, which is like running a 5K personal best while the guy next to you is on a motorcycle. Ashton Jeanty (32.7), D'Andre Swift (32.4) and Jalen Hurts (24.72) all showed up, and the 11th-round Steelers defense scored 20. The first-round pick, Saquon Barkley at 1.02, scored 9. Arianajonas also started Carnell Tate (7.8) while 12th-rounder Dallas Goedert scored 23.7 on the bench. It wouldn't have mattered.

SteelerIDKher lost this one by 12.86 while leaving 30.24 on the bench, and a better lineup wins it. Terry McLaurin got the start and posted 3.4. Parker Washington sat and posted 19.3. Kyle Monangai scored 20.4 on the bench too. SteelerIDKher also benched Brock Purdy's 22.1 and then dropped him. The first two picks, Jaxon Smith-Njigba (26.2) and Amon-Ra St. Brown (28.7), did their jobs. The coach let them down. The third-round pick, Brock Bowers, scored zero and didn't start. The roster supplied plenty of points. Management put enough of them in the wrong places to lose.

kimchi6769 won with plenty of mistakes of its own. Colston Loveland started and scored 0, the Texans defense finished at -1, and 13th-round steal Patrick Mahomes scored 22.66 on the bench while Drake Maye started and scored 12.82. None of it mattered, because third-rounder Kenneth Walker scored 34.1 and Justin Jefferson scored 31.2. Trey McBride added 24.5. First-round pick Puka Nacua managed 12.4.

The nail-biter of the week: 3.9 points. aemmar's controversial first-round quarterback, Caleb Williams, scored 37.26, the most of any player in the league. Javonte Williams added 24.2, the Seahawks defense (a third-round pick, yes, really) scored 13, and sixth-round kicker Chase McLaughlin kicked in 11. That covered for Jordyn Tyson's zero and George Pickens's 5.8 from the second round.

tylikestushpushes will be thinking about this one all week. The first-round pick, Ja'Marr Chase, scored 3.2. Josh Jacobs started and scored 0. Justin Herbert started and scored 14.26 while Trevor Lawrence scored 26.1 on the bench. Dalton Kincaid (18), Chase Brown (18.8) and the Jaguars defense (15, taken 147th out of 150 picks) nearly pulled it off anyway. A better lineup scores 145.1 and wins easily.

The blowout of the week, by 45.3. InelvatableBeerMile's number-one overall pick, Bijan Robinson, scored 31.3, Chris Olave scored 28.2, Lamar Jackson scored 24.96, and Nico Collins added 21.2. They won by so much that Jaylen Waddle's 1.2 in a starting spot didn't matter, even with Jordan Mason scoring 11.9 on the bench.

gwaman had the league's lowest score. Christian McCaffrey, the fifth overall pick, scored 13.8. Second-rounder Drake London scored 5.5. The team's best player was 10th-round pick Chuba Hubbard at 23.7. Joe Burrow started and scored 15.16 while 12th-rounder Jaxson Dart scored 26.6 on the bench, and kicker Cameron Dicker scored 2.

sp1cycurry started Davante Adams (5.6) while ninth-round pick Christian Watson scored 32.7 on the bench. That 27.1-point mistake was the worst single lineup call of the week. The Lions defense scored 11 on the bench too, while the starting Eagles managed 4. sp1cycurry still won, with a quarterback who scored 5.1, thanks to Jonathan Taylor (25.1), DJ Moore (21) and Ladd McConkey (19.2). Winning ugly still counts.

BiNG438's third-round Josh Allen scored 35.66 and David Montgomery added 28.9. Nothing else went right. First-rounder James Cook scored 9.9, second-rounder A.J. Brown scored 5.6, Kyle Pitts started and scored zero, kicker Brandon Aubrey scored 1, and the Rams defense scored 2. Jacory Croskey-Merritt (12.6) and Alec Pierce (10.1) sat on the bench, and a better lineup wins this one.

Draft Day, Revisited

Let's talk about pick 1.09. With eight picks gone and plenty of star running backs and receivers still on the board, aemmar took Caleb Williams, the first quarterback off the board. In the other two Gazette leagues, Caleb went 68th and 57th. aemmar took him ninth. And then this happened.

aemmar kept going. The Seahawks defense went at 3.09, the first defense taken, when other leagues waited until picks 122 and 110. Then the first kicker went at 6.02. Here's the problem: in week 1 all three picks worked. Caleb was the league's top scorer, the Seahawks scored 13, McLaughlin scored 11, and aemmar is 1-0. Nobody tell aemmar how drafting is supposed to work.

aemmar had company. sp1cycurry took Matthew Stafford at 3.04 as the second quarterback off the board (other leagues: 118th and 100th), and he scored 5.1. Davante Adams went at 2.07 (other leagues: 54th and 56th) and scored 5.6. BiNG438 took kicker Brandon Aubrey at 6.05, three picks after McLaughlin, and got 1 point.

First-round report: Gibbs (33.6), Bijan (31.3) and Taylor (25.1) were great. Saquon (9), Cook (9.9) and Ja'Marr Chase, the first receiver taken, at 3.2 were not. And SteelerIDKher's Brock Bowers, the first tight end taken at 3.10, scored zero. That was a normal price for him in the other leagues, so it's not a reach. It's just a zero.

The late-round steals mostly spent week 1 on the bench. Mahomes (13th round, 22.66), Watson (9th round, 32.7) and Dart (12th round, 26.6) all scored big for teams that didn't start them. The fantasy gods have a sense of humor.

The Awards

Standings

Next week: will anyone start their best players? Early signs say no.