Draft Smart, Start Stupid

Week 1 gave us a 173-point van, a kicker who scored 1, and a waiver steal that never left the bench.

The season is one week old and chaos has already filed its paperwork. Mahome is a Van put up 173.36, the most in the league, without owning a single Patrick Mahomes. Two tight ends scored exactly zero. The first kicker drafted scored 1. And one manager grabbed the best waiver add of the week, watched him score 29.8, and never let him off the bench.

The league averaged 122.64 points and left 164.54 on benches in total. That's a whole extra team's worth of points, and that team would have beaten Unc Dak and the Juniors.

The Matchups

The Van had the first pick in the draft, took Jahmyr Gibbs, and got 31.1 back for it. Third-rounder Kenneth Walker added 32.6 and fourth-rounder D'Andre Swift added 31.9, so all three running backs cleared 30. Lamar Jackson threw in 24.96, and Evan McPherson, the Van's very last draft pick, kicked 19. The only soft spots were second-rounder Drake London (4.5) and DK Metcalf (6).

The scary part is that the Van still left 31.5 on the bench. Isaiah Likely, a 12th-round pick, scored 23.8 there while Tucker Kraft started and scored 8. Chuba Hubbard added 22.2 on the bench too.

Hailee Steinfeld FC didn't play badly. Josh Allen dropped 35.66, No. 2 overall pick Bijan Robinson added 27.3, and Nico Collins chipped in 17.7. But fourth-round pick Jaylen Waddle scored 0.7 and Kenny Gainwell scored 2.3, and 123.76 was never going to catch a van doing 173. They also dropped their 14th-round pick Romeo Doubs to add Cole Kmet, who scored 0.

Derrick Henry went 12th overall here, earlier than he went in either of the other Gazette leagues, and answered with 34.8. Christian Watson, a seventh-round pick, added 29.7. Ninth-round QB Trevor Lawrence threw for 26.1 and Javonte Williams chipped in 21.7. For the retirees, that's a lot of energy.

They won by 44.44 even though Colston Loveland scored 0 at tight end, Terry McLaurin scored 2.4 and Brandon Aubrey, the first kicker taken in the draft, scored 1. The Jaguars defense outscored all three of them combined with 15.

D.Achane hang low got 22.2 from first-round pick Jaxon Smith-Njigba and 20 from Trey McBride. The man on the team name, De'Von Achane, scored 8.6. The costly call was starting Quinshon Judkins (6) over Stefon Diggs, who scored 13.5 on the bench. File that one away.

The Ball-Knower started Kyler Murray, who scored 0.62, while their eighth-round pick Jayden Daniels scored 17.66 on the bench. Knowing ball is apparently optional. George Kittle added 2.2 at tight end. They won anyway, because the receivers did the work: first-rounder Amon-Ra St. Brown scored 23.7, Zay Flowers 23.5 and Chris Olave 23.2, and Bucky Irving added 16.8 at running back.

They won by 26.96, and arjunpatelmb did most of that to himself. He picked Jalen Coker up off waivers, then started Jayden Reed (3.5) while Coker scored 29.8 on the bench. He also started Carnell Tate (5.8) over his own seventh-round pick Parker Washington (16.8). His best lineup was 145.66, which beats 135.32. That's a win, left in a drawer. Second-round pick Justin Jefferson (27.2) is entitled to be annoyed. First-rounder Saquon Barkley scored 8.5, and kicker Cameron Dicker and the Rams defense scored 2 each.

Team Taylor won by 39.02 and left just 0.5 points on the bench. That's the best lineup-setting in the league, an inconvenient start for anyone collecting roast material. First-rounder Jonathan Taylor (23.6), David Montgomery (27.4) and Jalen Hurts (24.72) did the lifting. That includes the Texans defense scoring -1, Jake Ferguson's 1.6 and second-round pick A.J. Brown's 4.1. Patrick Mahomes scored 22.66 on the bench. Hurts beat him, so it counts as a good decision.

Unc Dak stayed loyal to the name, starting Dak (15.4) over Jaxson Dart (26.6). No. 4 overall pick Puka Nacua scored 9.9 and third-rounder George Pickens scored 4.3. Jacory Croskey-Merritt (12.1) and Aaron Jones (10) sat on the bench while Pickens and Jameson Williams (6.5) started. The Chargers defense scored 1, and 79.9 was the week's lowest score. Cam Little's 12 at kicker was the bright spot.

IR Merchant took Caleb Williams in the seventh round and got 37.26 back, the week's best QB score. The rest of the team kept it respectable, with Cam Skattebo on 14.1 and CeeDee Lamb on 12.9. First-round pick James Cook scored 8.4. They left 15 on the bench, with Matthew Golden (12.5), waiver pickup Caleb Douglas (11.9) and Jordan Mason (11.9) all sitting, and still won by 14.94.

Maye set my lineup started Kyle Pitts, who scored 0, while Travis Kelce scored 8.6 on the bench. No. 3 overall pick Ja'Marr Chase added 2.2. Ashton Jeanty's 29.7 and Ladd McConkey's 16.7 deserved better company. Drake Maye scored 12.82, a quiet start for the man with his name on the team.

Draft Day, Revisited

Week 1 is the first chance to check the draft against real points. The first round went fine at the top: Gibbs scored 31.1 and Bijan 27.3. Then it got weird. Chase went third and scored 2.2, Puka went fourth and scored 9.9, and Saquon closed the round with 8.5.

The Josh Allen reach. Hailee Steinfeld FC took the first quarterback at pick 19. In the other two Gazette leagues, Allen lasted until picks 26 and 35. He scored 35.66, so the reach paid off on day one.

The tight end rush. Team Taylor took Brock Bowers as the first tight end, at pick 25. He scored 0 and didn't start. With the very next pick, D.Achane hang low took Trey McBride, who scored 20. Sub Station Retirees took Colston Loveland at pick 32. The other leagues waited until 39 and 53 for him. He started and scored 0.

The kicker run nobody asked for. Brandon Aubrey went first among kickers at pick 109 and scored 1. Cameron Dicker went next at 110 and scored 2. Evan McPherson went 141st and scored 19.

Late-round bargains. Patrick Mahomes went in the 13th round and scored 22.66 on Team Taylor's bench. Caleb Williams in the seventh round scored 37.26. Isaiah Likely in the 12th scored 23.8, also on a bench. Apparently the whole league drafts well and then sets lineups by coin flip.

The Awards

Standings

Next week: Team Taylor gets the Van. Somebody check whether it has brakes.